Bored

1. How many keys are on your keychain? ten

2. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? does chapstick count?

3. Is your AIM away message on? yes. it says something like, "at school."

4. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? how boring. probably tortellini with pesto sauce

5. What curse word do you use the most? shit, probably

6. Do you own an iPod? no

7. Who on your Myspace "Top 8" do you talk to the most? Jaime

8. What time is your alarm clock set for right now? it's not

9. How many suitcases do you own? three, i think. two big and one carryon

10. Do you wear flip-flops even when it's cold outside? yes

11. Where do you buy your groceries from? i go where the sales are.

12. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? take the picture

13. What was the last movie you watched? Awakenings. I didn't really care for it.

14. Do any of your friends have children? Yes

15. Has anyone ever called you lazy? yes

16. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? no, except for the first couple days i was in europe to help me adjust to the different time faster. thank you to my sister's french teacher for the suggestion.

17. What CD is currently in your CD player? Indigo Girls Indians Nomads Saints

18. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? regular

19. Has anyone told you a secret this week? i don't think so

20. When was the last time someone hit on you? yesterday

21. What did you have for dinner? yesterday i had beef and noodles

22. Do you wear hoodies often? Sometimes

23. What color is your car? red

24. Can you whistle? not as well as my grandfather, but yes

25. What is the first thing you see when you look to your left? an empty chalkboard and empty chairs (no, i'm not in class. i'm just at school in an empty room with a borrowed laptop being bored.)

26. Do you make your own jewelry? no

27. Have you ever participated in a protest? Yes. many times.

28. Who was the last person to call you? my mom

29. What is your favorite ride at cedar point? the race horses. i've never been a roller coaster person.

30. Which cartoons did you watch as a child? Smurfs, Get-Along Gang, Garfield and Friends

31. How big is your local mall? bigger than my hometown mall. does that make it big? i have no idea. I guess so.

32. What is your job title? graduate student and teaching assistant

33. How many siblings do you have? one

34. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? i don't remember. that's sad.

35. What movie do you know every line to? Princess Bride

36. Do you own any band t-shirt? yes

37. What is your favorite candle scent? pine

38. How many aunts and uncles do you have? 2 aunts and 2 uncles on my dad's side and three aunts and three uncles on my mom's side

39. When was your last plane ride? in February

40. Have you ever eaten snow? yes. with milk and sugar.

41. How many chairs are at your dining room table? one broken one at the moment. it sort of disintegrated. it's a pile of nuts and bolts. it's very sad.

42. What is your favorite salad dressing? italian

43. Can you speak any languages other than English? Spanish

44. Where is your cell phone? beside me on the desk

45. Do you do your own dishes? yes, but not often enough

46. What color is your bedroom painted? white

47. Are your parents divorced? No

48. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? desktop, although i'm currently on a laptop. my dream machine is an apple notebook.

49. Which do you make: wishes or plans? both

50. Are you always trying to learn new things? yes

51. What messenger programs do you have? aim, and i'm always online, so if you want to chat, i'll certainly pass along my online name

52. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? yes, a tattoo

53. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? i believe in dutch first dates or in the person who asks paying.

54. Can you skip rocks? yes

55. Have you ever been to Jamaica? no, but it sounds like fun

56. What do you like to snack on at the movie theatres? popcorn and iced tea or chocolate covered almonds

57. Who was your favorite teacher? in high school, my geometry teacher.

59. What is the weather like? bright and sunny

60. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? sure, why not

61. Do you have an online journal? um, yes

62. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school? yes

63. What was your favorite class in high school? geometry, just because i liked the teacher

64. Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes? it gets me there faster, so sure.

65. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex? i'm answering for the same sex, and i like a sense of awe in the world.

66. When was the last time you slept on the floor? i don't remember, oddly enough.

67. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? yellow tail red wine

68. Does your closest Starbucks have a drive-thru? yes

69. Do you like your living arrangement? yes

70. Has anyone ever called you spoiled? not that i know of, but who knows

71. What is your mother's hometown? irondale

72. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents? not as they attended, but they taught at my middle school and at my high school

73. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? 7-8

74. Do you eat breakfast daily? usually

75. What was the last thing to scare you? i don't know. probably my school bill.

76. Do you own a Playstation? no

77. How many pairs of shoes do you own? five or six pairs?

78. Are your days full and fast-paced? sometimes. not today.

79. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? no, but i've gotten in trouble for not talking in class. or reading in class.

80. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you're currently in? carpet

81. Were you a "planned" child?um, i think so.

82. What is your favorite fruit? kiwi, raspberries

Immigration

I heard Bush speak today on immigration reform. He proposes making illegal immigrants felons. He also wants to make illegal immigrants go back home before they apply for legal status. I have so many issues with these ideas that it's hard to know where to begin.

A few years ago, I worked at a small town newspaper, and I interviewed a Haitian man who needed to stay in the United States because of a death threat against his wife and children if they returned. His wife was a very outspoken radio personality who had spoken against the wrong group of people. This family was stalked and threatened continuously before they escaped to the United States. They were granted a temporary Visa, and both parents got very good jobs teaching and coaching in North Carolina. After a few years, they were told they could not stay in the United States any longer. They applied repeatedly for asylum and were not granted it. I don't know what happened to them. When I moved across country to go to graduate school, they were still caught in red tape with only a month or two before they would be deported.

As a teacher, I have had several children of migrant workers in class. All of these students came to the United States as illegal immigrants. All of their parents just wanted to make things better for their children. All of the children started working in the fields when they were very small for a very small amount of money each day. These young women (they have all been women) worked very hard in my class. They had to. They wanted a better life, too. I would take these students any day of the week, yet this country is trying to deny them the right to a better life here.

Bush is right in one thing: the current policies to deal with illegal immigrants aren't working. Too many people are dying each year trying to cross the border or in the desert after they have made it across. His proposal is to make them felons. Is he serious? Does he really think this will stop people? Does he really think making people apply for temporary work visas here will make the sweat shop owners here stop using illegal immigrants? Certainly there has to be a better way to deal with the problems with immigration in this country, but his ideas aren't it.

Perhaps he should try a compassionate approach, like punishing the sweat shop owners and not their workers to try to help the workers get ahead in this country. We are a country of immigrants, and we should be more welcoming. I don't have much in the way of ideas for solutions, but I do know wrong solutions when I see them.

If only it weren't so cold

I hear Minnesota is a great place to live.

Grr

You try and try to tell these people, but do they listen? No!

New Haircut

It's supposed to look like this, but of course, I don't look like her. But anyway, if you're wondering roughly what it looks like, this is it. Sort of. At any rate, I like it, and I'm discovering the intensely complex world of hair gel. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet, but I'll let you know.

Fuzzy Child Picture

Isn't she adorable? She's my baby girl, showing off her cuteness. She looks very much like one of frog's fuzzy children, except that her cat has thumbs. I have more pictures, but this is the only one I have at school. I will post more later :)

Princess Mononoke, Part II

I am currently rewatching this movie, and I have one more important point to make about it. None of the characters are totally good or totally bad. The character development is exceptional. All of the characters are sympathetic at some point. Miyazaki really shows the depth of each character in a very short amount of space, and he does it beautifully. I'm deeply impressed. I'm going to have to buy this movie eventually. I love it.

Old Friends

I have recently gotten back in touch with a woman I went to school with as an undergrad. We lost touch after graduation, and I found her again on myspace, which I have greatly enjoyed. Since we both graduated, we have both come out and gone to graduate school. She's a pretty amazing person. I remember her singing as an undergrad, and sure enough, she's still singing :) She has a beautiful voice. She isn't out to her family yet, and we've been talking about that a lot. It's just so nice to chat with her again. I love reconnecting with people.

Princess Mononoke

Rating: *****

I never thought I would get into anime, but I love Hiyao Miyazaki's work. More than his animation, I love his stories. He is very environmentally conscious, and this seems to make an appearance somehow in all of his work. The message in Princess Mononoke is that humans and the forest must live in harmony.

The movie is long, but it is enthralling. There are three wonderfully strong female characters. San is my favorite. She is a woman who was raised by wolves and who considers herself to be a wolf. She works to protect the forest and the animals from the invasion of humans and their violence.

It is an impressive movie. I highly recommend it.

Nervous

I just submitted my thesis. I still have to write the intro (abstract?), but the big part is done. That's a load off. I defend it on April 3. I'm really nervous. Then I have to format it. I'm accepting all good wishes and prayers.

Spamku

Or haikus about Spam. Go. Be amused.

A tempting bite:

Tied down, forced to eat
a frozen SPAM popsicle.
Mother of nightmares.

Survey

9 lasts

-last place you were: school
-last cigarette: never
-last beverage: hot tea
-last hug: Monday night (my crush :)
-last movie seen: O Brother, Where Art Thou?
-last phone call: Rennick
-last cd played: Indigo Girls Indians Nomads Saints
-last bubble bath: don't remember
-last time you cried: don't remember

8 have you evers.

-have you ever dated someone twice: no
-have you ever been cheated on: no
-have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it? yes
-have you ever fallen in love: yes
-have you ever lost someone: yes
-have you ever been depressed: yes
-have you ever been drunk and thrown up: no

7 states you’ve been to:

1. NC
2. SC
3. VA
4. GA
5. FLA
6. TN
7. KY

6 things you've done today.

1. Taught sonnets
2. listened to a presentation on Denise Levertov
3. did a crossword puzzle
4. asked someone out for a second date
5. finished the L Word season two
6. cut class

5 favorite things

1. family
2. friends
3. my cat
4. tea
5. L Word

4 people you can tell pretty much anything to (hey, almost anything...)

1. my sister
2. Rennick
3. Josh
4. Judith

3 favorite colors

1. blue
2. purple
3. yellow

2 things you want to do before you die

1. parent a child
2. travel everywhere

1 thing you regret.

1. the way my last relationship ended

Survey

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
no

2. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
when we were really little. there are pictures.

3. What did you do when you weren't in school in the 2nd grade?
played outside, read constantly, climbed trees

5. Do you like more than one person right now?
like as in have a crush on, no. like as in like, yes

6. Are you against same sex marriage?
No

7. Did you vote for Bush?
no

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
probably home, but I really don't know.

9. Have you dry humped any of your myspace friends?
um, no

10. Are most of your friends guys or girls?
girls

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
who?

12. Last book you read?
The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis--I have some serious issues with it that I'll blog about eventually.

13. If you could have one super power what would it be?
either invisibility or the ability to fly

14. Where have you lived most of your life?
midwest

15. What was the last conversation you had about?
about my sister's summer job

16. Where do you see yourself in four years?
in a tenure track creative writing teaching job, with a partner and getting ready to have a kid

17. What's your favorite smell?
fresh cutted grass

18. What is your favorite sound?
banjo music or gospel music on the piano (of course, I'm watching O Brother, Where Art There? at the moment)

19. Are you moody?
sometimes, I imagine

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your classmate?
I hope not

22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
yes, and I highly recommend it

23. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle?
I don't know.

24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone's house?
yes, more than once

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
yes

26. Have you ever gone camping?
yes, I love it.

27. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's friend?
I don't have a brother.

28. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
yes. it wasn't intentional, but it was a learning experience (mainly I learned that sunbathing naked causes really awful sunburns in places you don't want sunburns).

29. Have you ever gone streaking?
no

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
I hope not

31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
not yet

32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
yes

33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober person?
yes

34. Have you ever been in love?
Yes

35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
not that I remember

36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
Yes

37. Have you ever been out of the US?
yes. I backpacked through Europe and studied abroad in Costa Rica.

38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Yes

39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
no. I did cut my own hair once when I was seven, though, and I had very uneven pigtails for a couple of days.

40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places?
yes

41. Last song you listened to?
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side...

42. Have you ever spied on someone?
probably, but not that I remember

43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
no

44. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
not wash spoons for a while

45. Who was the last person who called you?
Rennick

46. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours straight?
I have no idea. Probably when I was sick.

47. Have you ever been arrested?
no

48. Most embarassing CD you own?
I have this really awful gospel CD that I got free somewhere several years ago. I can't give it away. It's that bad.

49. Have you ever stolen anything?
I don't think so.

50. Have you ever drank egg nog?
yes

Angst

This paints a perfect picture, doesn't it? I love Audre Lorde.

Hanging Fire
by Audre Lorde

I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his tumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before the morning comes
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I de before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth aout me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

Surveys are Fun :)

Several questions omitted for being weird.

1. What's your name: VioletEmily
2. What do you wish your name was, instead: I like my name..
4. Would you ever eat sushi? Yes, and I have.
5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body? Sure. Could be fun.
6. Have you considered homosexuality? Is that the kind of thing you really consider? You either are or you're not. And yes, I'm gay.
7. What's your sexual preference? I like girls a lot.
8. What were you in a past life? a pirate
11. What's your favorite coffee? from my favorite coffee shop with lots of milk
12. What's your political perspective? very liberal Democrat, at least that's how I vote. I'm really green.
13. Are you my Angel? Didn't Ginsberg ask that?
14. Do you consider yourself a poet? yes
15. What do you wanna be when you grow up? Happy.
22. What's your favorite fruit? kiwi
26. What do you think about contemporary art? Love it. Don't always understand it, but love it anyway.
27. Do you like being naked? In the right circumstances
28. If we had proof God didn't exist, what would happen?: Would anything change?
29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz? No
30. What's your position on virginity? It works for a while.
31. On civil unions: Marriage is good. Let's all have marriage.
36. Are you left handed or right handed? Right.
37. Are you smart? I think so.
40. How many piercings do you have? Just my ears.
41. What was your first word? Daddy and then kitty
42. Are you superstitious? no. I own a black cat who is currently snuggled up on my lap. Not superstitious at all.
43. Do you read your horoscope? Sometimes.
44. Do you believe in that stuff? No
45. Can you do a cartwheel? No
46. Do you have contact lenses? No
47. Do you have a retainer or braces? not anymore
48. Can you drive? Yes
49. Do you snore? sometimes
50. Do you drool in your sleep? sometimes
51. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge? lick them
52. Do you keep a journal? yes, both online and in handwriting
53. Do you like onions? yes, but not as much as I used to. This is a good thing.
54. Do you like cotton candy? yes
55. What instruments can you play? French horn and a little piano.
56. Do you like to dance? yes, but I'm terrible, but it's fun.
57. Do you like to sing? yes
58. Are you any good at it? you'll have to ask the people sitting next to me in choir. I certainly wouldn't give me a solo or anything...
59. Do you like to talk on the phone? no. I hate it, actually.
60. Do you like where you live? eh, it's okay
61. Are you organized? not usually
62. Do you sleep with socks on? sometimes
63. Are you shy? yes
64. Do you talk to yourself? probably too much
65. Are you a morning person? no
66. Are you a virgin? No.
67. Are you proud of that? Proud? I don't really think it's a thing that invites pride or shame. It's just a fact.
68. Do you believe in reincarnation? Good question. I'll have to get back to you on that one. Right now at this moment, sort of.
69. Do you believe in God? yes
72. How old do you wish you were? 26 is fine. I don't think I've ever wished I was a different age.
73. What will you name your daughter? Laurelyn Erin or Gloria Lorraine
74. Son? Daniel or Joshua or maybe Daniel Joshua or Joshua Daniel
75. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yes
76. Where do you want to go? Everywhere.

Ever...
1. Been kissed? Yes.
2: Done drugs? No
3: Eaten an entire box of Oreos? No
4: Been on stage? yes, in a missionary costume
5: Dumped someone else? yes
6: Gotten in a car accident? yes
7: Watched "Punky Brewster"? yes
8: Been in love? Yes.

Favorites...
9: Shampoo: currently coconut Suave
10: Toothpaste: ultrabrite
11: Soap: anything antibacterial
12: Type of soup: Broccoli Cheese.
13: Room in your house: living room
14: Instrument: oboe and baritone
Either/Or..
15: Coffee or hot chocolate? coffee
16: Big or little? whatever
17: Lace or satin? lace
18: New or old? depends
22: Jeans or cords? both
23: Sweater or sweatshirt? currently my favorite shirt is a sweater
24: T-shirt or tank top? t-shirt
25: Skirt or dress? neither. ever.
26: Wool or cotton? Cotton
27: Rose or Lily? sunflowers
28: The way it is or the way it was? The way it could be.
29: Oldies or pop? whatever
30: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No.
31: Do you have a best friend? yes, several
In the last 24 hours, have you...
32: Cried? no
33: Helped someone? yes
34: Bought something? lunch
35: Gotten sick? No.
36: Gone to the movies? No.
37: Gone out for dinner? lunch
38: Said "I love you"?: Yes.
39: Written a real letter? no
40: Moved on? yes
41: Talked to an ex? no
42: Missed an ex? I do sometimes. Mostly I wonder how she is doing, and I pray for her.
43: Written in a journal? Yes.
44: Talked to someone you have a crush on? yes
45: Had a serious talk? Yes.
46: Missed someone? Yes, my sister
47: Hugged someone? yes
48: Fought with your parents? no
49: Fought with a friend? No.

Do you.....
50: Wear eye shadow? rarely
52: Kiss on the first date? Sometimes
53: Have a crush on someone? yes
54: Eat with your mouth open? No
55: If you got a tattoo, where would you get it, and what would it be? an arm band with sunflowers or a lower back tattoo of a black cat
56: What color is your floor/carpet in your room? tan
57: What was the last CD you bought? Indigo Girls Rarities
58: How did you spend last summer? with my ex who was my fiance then
59: When's the last time you showered? last night
60: Are you tired? yes
61: Are you lonely? sometimes
62: Are you happy? yes
63: Are you wearing pajamas? not yet
64: Are you talking to someone online? not at the moment
65: What are the initials of your crush/interest/spouse? JM
66: What is your astrological sign? Pisces

Stepping Stones

The summer after I graduated from college, I got a job working for a Christian group in a national park. In particular, I worked along the Blue Ridge Parkway. It's beautiful there. If you haven't been yet, perhaps you should consider it for your next vacation :) PM me if you want to know good spots :) At any rate, the job involved leading a Christian church service at one of the nearby campgrounds each Sunday morning. In addition to this job, I also worked at this country club lodge that was nearby. The two jobs could not have been more different.

The Sunday morning job was awesome. I love meeting new people and sitting and talking to them about just about anything. That was the best part of the job. Plus I got to use my writing since I did the preaching every week. It is a very humbling job to speak to so many people week after week, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I had several regular people at the services, which surprised me. I expected a new crowd every week, but several people from the nearby towns came frequently, too. The result was that I got to know several people quite well as the summer wore on. It was really neat to develop relationships of sorts with people from all different church backgrounds or even non-church backgrounds in a few cases. It was cool.

My other job involved kissing the asses of these whiney rich people (stress the whiney) who really had no clue how the other half lived. I frequently spent my hours at the job immensely pissed off. This particular country club hosts some of the wealthiest white Protestant Republicans in the country. I won't go into details, but one was involved in a pretty severe anti-women case the summer I worked there. Others were retired Congressmen (never women) and judges from very high courts. For the most part, these people were not nice. They were mysogynistic, homophobic racists. They also had their very own exclusionary churches by the lodge, and they were really more or less incapable of running them. They even had the front desk of the lodge count their offerings because they were just beyond doing that themselves.

That summer did more to shape my political beliefs, and as a result my religious beliefs, than anything I had experienced so far. I hadn't realized people like the ones at the country club actually existed until then, and it pissed me off that they did. I moved even further left than I already was and really began to appreciate Jesus' messages calling for the care of the poor. I really became a "social justice" Christian because of that summer, and for that reason alone, I'm grateful to that country club.

Stepping Stones

I had a really disturbing conversation last night, and I decided to do a series of posts not really in response to it but because of it. The conversation was with a young gay woman who sees her sexuality as a sin. She was raised in a church that sounds like it was very fundamentalist and is herself a fundamentalist, or so it seems. At any rate, the conversation got me thinking about my own faith and how I began to think beyond the confines of the faith I was raised in. These thoughts are not going to be in any particular order nor are they all going to appear today. Just so you know.

"Caliban Upon Setebos"

In my second year of college, I took a class in Victorian literature from a woman named Dr. Land. In that class, we read several different essays and poems from people who viewed their faith in different ways. One of the poems that has stuck with me is "Caliban Upon Setebos" by Robert Browning. In that poem, Caliban, from Shakespeare's The Tempest, contemplates his god, Setebos. He sees Setebos as very cruel and unforgiving, just as Caliban is cruel and unforgiving. In other words, he is seeing Setebos as an extention of himself. He is viewing Setebos in human terms. In reality, Setebos was probably nothing like Caliban, but Caliban was unable to remove him from his little box. He couldn't see him as anything beyond his own terms. This stuck with me because it was an idea that I had been trying desperately to articulate for some time. I got really tired of hearing people try to define God in human terms. They seemed to think they knew exactly how God must feel about this or that when really all they had were a few vague biblical references with little or no context of any kind surrounding them. I don't see God as fitting into a neat little box. That is my problem with fundamentalism. People try to define God in human terms, and there doesn't seem to be any room for growth. There also doesn't seem to be any room for God. I also think it is pretty presumptuous to claim to know exactly what God thinks about this or that. I see defining God in human terms as limiting God, if that is possible, and it also limits ourselves. I guess I want to leave myself open to be able to see miracles when they happen, in whatever way God presents them, whether if fits in a box or not.

In Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies, she talks about a woman who was raised in a very fundamentalist church and a gay man who was dying of AIDS. In the middle of one service, the woman was suddenly overcome with emotion and understanding of the man as one of God's children, and she went to him and embraced him and held him up as they sang hymns together. This was a miracle, and it fits in my image of God. It shows how one woman was able to open her God box and let God be whoever God is.

Sad

I just got back from meeting a very remarkable young woman. When she was 14 years old, her parents found out that she is gay and threw her out of the house. She was basically homeless, just living with various friends and family members all through high school. Yes, she still went to high school and even graduated. She is now 18. She is not in college yet, but she dreams about continuing her education. Her parents should be slapped. They really lost out on having a wonderful daughter.

L Word: Season Two

So the story line with the straight male roommate and his hidden cameras is creepy. What on earth could the writer have been thinking? It's stupid. It's cliche. And dammit, it's disturbing.

I am currently watching disc two. Shane is hot. So is Carmen. Carmen and Jenny do not make a good couple. Yuck, in fact. I have never likded Jenny, though. I have to admit that she's better this season, though. She's a tad more tolerable, although I still don't see the appeal. The short haircut is better, though. I actually like the Dana-Alice pairing. I was skeptical, I admit, but they're cute. I like Alice a lot. Tina gets on my nerves. I didn't particularly care for her last season either, though. I still like Kit, but the guy they have her with...yuck. I like the Kit-Bette relationship (they're sisters). It's nice to see them really talk in this season. I totally buy the sister thing now.

At any rate, if you haven't seen it and you're a lesbian or bisexual woman, rent it. It's fun.

Why I Chose to Be Medicated

I have been thinking a lot about this in the last few months. In December, I mentioned to someone dear to me that perhaps she should consider medication. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut because her reaction was so negative. I hadn't realized until then that she saw my needing medication as a weakness.

Needing medication is not a weakness. Needing medication and not being able to admit it is, in my opinion. It takes a lot of vulva to be able to admit that you need some help, that there is no way on God's green earth that you're going to be able to get your donkeys in a circle without it.

I started medication a little over a year ago, and I have not regreted it. Not for a minute. It took a major crisis for me to realize that I really couldn't stand myself most of the time and that I needed to do something about my anxiety. Luckily I had a wonderful counselor who agreed and has been very supportive. Since then, I've been able to see my life more clearly. I've also been able to see myself in a different light, which is a good thing. I had very high social anxiety before I started medication, and I've been a lot better since last spring. I'm not a hermit anymore. I love to go out and hang out with people. I've made a lot of new friends, which is awesome. I've gotten more involved in my church. I've gone out on several dates in the last couple of months. It's been wonderful. I know I would not be at this point without the medication.

So if you are reading and you are considering medication, I encourage you to look into it. It's a good thing.*

* Here ends Emily's commercial for mental health medication.

10 Things You May or May Not Know about Me

In no particular order

10. My sister is the most amazing person I know. She's kind and thoughtful and extremely talented and cool. I can tell her anything, and she will hear me.

9. I currently have 14 kinds of tea on my shelf. I have recently been swapping teas with a friend and have doubled my collection through that. I love tea.

8. I think of myself as a Buddhist Christian. I can't explain it any farther than that, though, so please don't ask. I'll post more when I can articulate it or even make it make sense to myself.

7. I am a follower of the Virgin of Guadalupe, not as she is defined by the church but as she is re-interpreted by Sandra Cisneros and Cherrie Moraga.

6. I used to consider myself a Republican. I couldn't justify it. I just didn't really know any different. My entire home county is made up of Republicans, and my mother is very tight-lipped about her liberal political beliefs.

5. I love to drive. I could spend days and days just driving cross country and be very much at peace.

4. I give copies of Mary Oliver's New and Selected Poems to dates because liking Mary Oliver shows a sense of awe in simple things. I like that in a person.

3. My favorite day of the year is December 26, the day of my grandmother's Christmas party. I look forward to it all year. This past year, my ex asked me to skip it to visit her earlier, and I cried for days. I did not skip it. I just could never articulate to her how important it was to me. I know that the person I end up marrying will look forward to visiting her family as much as I look forward to visiting mine.

2. I am out to just about everyone in my life, and it is a relief. I was closeted last summer for various reasons, and that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was for good reasons. However, I got used to it, and that frightened me. I was really shocked to return home and realize that everyone knows that I am gay and that it's perfectly okay. I'd gottten used to the shame and fear. I'm not sure that I would or even could put myself through that again. I like being out.

1. I like public displays of affection (you know, holding hands and such).

and one to grow on :) I really want a tattoo.

Haircut

Well, if there was ever any doubt as to my sexual orientation, there will not be anymore. I just got my hair cut, and I love it. If you are familiar with the L Word, it's the same cut Shane has in the second season. I'll post a picture of Shane's cut (because I don't have a digital camera to post a picture of my own) and a picture of my beautiful fuzzy child next time I am at school (because my computer is too old to handle such an enormous task from home).

Survey

via Reagan whose blog you may not read

8 HAVE YOU EVERS

Have you ever dated one of your best friends?: yes
Have you ever skinny dipped?: not yet
Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it?: yes
Have you ever fallen in love?: yes
Have you ever lost someone you loved?: yes
Have you ever been depressed?: yes
Have you ever been drunk and threw up?: no

7 States You Have Been To:

1. Ohio
2. North Carolina
3. Washington
4. Idaho
5. Wyoming
6. Georgia
7. South Carolina

6 Things You Have Done Today:

1. taught meter and rhyme
2. encouraged a student
3. met someone cool from a message board
4. watched "L Word"
5. mailed things
6. had a cup of tea


5 Favorite things, In No Order:

1. hanging out with my sister
2. playing with my cat
3. watching movies
4. poetry
5. women


4 People You Can Tell pretty much Anything To:

1. my sister
2. Josh
3. Jodi
4. Rennick


3 Wishes:

1. a really nice girl to marry
2. a job teaching poetry in college that comes with benefits
3. to see one of my sister's big events


2 Things You Want To Do Before You Die:

1. Travel the world
2. Parent a child


1 Thing You Regret:

1. Not coming out a whole lot sooner than I did


LAST

1. Person you saw: T
2. Person you hugged: Susan
3. Instant messaged: Jaime
4. Texted: none, although probably the last person who tried to text me was Annie. however, I don't have text.


FIRST

1. Love: Angie
2. Best friend: Robyn
3. School: J Elementary
4. Job: JC Penney
5. Obsession: Babysitters Club books

TODAY

1. What are you doing? thinking about taking a nap
2. What are you wearing? jeans and a flannel shirt


TOMORROW

1. Got any plans?: class, homework, laundry
2. Dislikes about tomorrow: none

FAVORITE

1: Number: 7
2: Song: anything Rent
3. Color: blue

And this seems to sum up my life somehow. . .

Emily -- [adjective]: Smelling like turnips at all times 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Some Days I Love My Job

Today I had a very cool female student stay after class to talk to me about her writing. This student does not have very much confidence, which is sad because her writing is so wonderful. In fact, she is by far the best writer in the class. She blows everyone else away. This student is so shy that she cannot look me in the eye when she talks to me. She reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. At any rate, she stayed after class to talk about a certain poem that no one in the class understood. The poem was absolutely amazing. The sound in it was brilliant and subtle, and the theme was not obvious. This worked in the poem's favor. It was a fantastic poem. My student was upset that the class didn't understand it. She didn't need to be, and I told her so. At any rate, she is thinking about transferring to a school with a great creative writing program for undergraduates. I gave her a list of schools that I think are good, and I'm gladly accepting other options if you all know of any. Please let me know. I'm also compiling a list of very contemporary poets for her. I am going to include this list here, and I'm gladly accepting additions to it. Seriously.

Schools:
Warren Wilson
University of Montana
Anywhere in Ann Arbor
University of Georgia
University of Alabama
Boise State University
Eastern Washington University
Hollins College

Poets:
Anne Carson
Joyelle McSweeney
Lyn Hejinian
Catherine Wagner
Michael Palmer
D.A. Powell
Brigitte Byrd
Ed Allen
Muriel Ruykeiser (spelling?)
Linda Gregg
Fence Magazine
any books published by Fence or recently by Ahsahta
Eleni Sikelianos
Stefanie Marlis
Joe Wenderoth
Harryette Mullen
Kathleen Fraser
Allen Ginsberg

Any suggestions from my readers?

Speaking of Journeys

The Silver Chair
by C.S. Lewis

This book is also about a journey. It is not as emotional as the journey in Transamerica, but it is still a noble journey. Jill and Eustace, the children in the story, return to Narnia and are given the task by Aslan to find Prince Rilian and return him to Narnia. They join forces with a Marsh-Wiggle named Puddleglum who tries to keep them out of trouble. The kids encounter giants, a witch, and underground people. The story is great, although more predictable than any of the other books so far. It was way too predictable, in my opinion. The element of surprise was zero.

Transamerica

Rating: *****

This movie is fantastic. It's even better than I thought it would be. It's about a pre-op transsexual woman who finds out she fathered a son without knowing it. The boy's mother is dead, and the boy is in jail on the other side of the country. Her therapist refuses to give her the go-ahead on her surgery until she deals with her son. So she gets on a plane to New York and ends up driving the boy cross-country. They get to know each other very well on the trip, and eventually the boy finds out that the woman driving him is his mother (he thought she was a missionary). It's a wonderful movie about in-between places, wilderness experiences as my pastor called it this morning. It's a story about a journey. It is a fantastic movie, and I highly recommend it.

Dyke in a Choir Robe

I joined the church choir. I'm extremely excited about it. I sang for the first time today. It was a lot of fun. I've missed singing in a group. I haven't done that in a while. I sang in choir all through high school and then had a brief stint as a member of the Gospel choir in college. I loved that but ended up not having time for all the rehearsals.

I've been really active lately, actually, which is why I haven't been here blogging my heart out as usual. On Thursday night, I volunteered at a local homeless shelter that my church is very involved with. It was an awesome experience. It was also a very heart-breaking experience. There were small children there with all of their relatives, from their parents to their great-grandparents. There were a couple of people who were severely schitzophrenic. They talked to several different people who were not physically present. There were also several people there who had severe problems with alcohol and drugs. There were a couple of college students who couldn't afford to both house themselves and go to college. There were also a number of people who worked full time and yet still couldn't afford to make ends meet. It snowed on Thursday, and the floor was filled with more people than the shelter had beds. At one point, someone brought a couple packages of new socks, and I have never seen such excitement with such a small offering. It was an experience I won't soon forget.

On Friday night, I went to hear a very well-known fiction writer read from her work. She was hilarious. I loved her. I don't own any of her books, but I will someday.

On Saturday morning, I began training for a new group in my church called the Pastoral Partners. Basically, I will keep track of five or so families or individuals and make sure that the church is aware of their needs. It will involve regular phone calls and emails and coffee. I'm really excited about being a part of the ministry and touched that they would have thought of me when they started recruiting people.

Saturday evening, I went out with a few friends to a restaurant, then to see Transamerica, which was awesome (the review will come soon), and then out for drinks at a bar. It was fun. I haven't had so much fun in a while.

Today I am cleaning my apartment because it is filthy and it stinks. I am also watching season two of the "L Word," which I absolutely adore. I just got disc one from netflix. I will be moving discs two, three, and four up just as soon as I mail this one back.

My dad, who is wonderful and kind, also sent me the new Harry Potter dvd as a surprise yesterday. I watched it right after church. It's great.

Quiz

The Picto-Personality Test You are a person who is incredibly tranquil and values peace above all else. When alone, you are introspective. You constantly reflect on your life and the world. You are laid back. Anything goes, with you. In the future you will have a good family life and lots of friends.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

Vice?

Is it wrong to flirt shamelessly with the woman who works at the drive-thru window at Wendy's? She's really cute. And she flirts back. And she knows what I am going to order before I even open my mouth at the little speaker. I think I have officially become a regular. I need to break this habit. But she's so cute :) She reminds me of one of my good friends from college.

Fiction Blues

I have been working and slaving over a story that really sucks. It is a second draft, and I'm afraid that the first draft was much better. The second draft is not good, and it's due today. I'm going to go home now and work on it some more. Perhaps it is better than I think it is? They can't say it isn't revised at least. The only thing I left the same is the names of the characters. Is this good? I don't know. I feel like the first draft had a poetry that the second draft doesn't have. So I'm a bit concerned about it. The second draft has long scenes that the first draft didn't have, though. I need a happy medium between the two, somehow. Also I need to get to the meat of the story sometime before page seven. . . .

In Which Emily Learns that American DVD Players Don't Play British DVDs

Gah!

And the cover of Bad Girls even has my favorite soon-to-be lesbian couple kissing on it.

The agony! The pain! The frustration!

However, my sister may have a friend who will reburn the DVDs for me so that I can play them here. If that fails, I may have to buy a region-free DVD player online. They don't even sell them in this city. How frustrating is that?

Survey

First three omitted because they are pertinent only to MySpace users.

4. What's your current relationship status?
Single

5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
my workout pants and a huge sweater that I love

6. What is your current problem?
I don’t have a job with benefits lined up for next year. I do have a job lined up, though, so I guess that’s a start.

7. What do you love most?
my sister

8. What makes you most happy?
being in a room full of people that I love

9. Are you musically talented?
Yes. I play the French horn.

10. Are you a jealous person?
Sometimes

11. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
Probably how my last relationship ended, although I honestly think everything happens for the best.

12. What do you think of the person who posted this before you?
I don’t really know her, but we’ve just started exchanging emails.

13. Ever have a near death experience?
Yes

14. Name an obvious quality you have?
I am quiet.

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
I wish I were a nomad, and Indian, or a saint (it’s an Indigo Girls song)

16. Any celeb you would marry?
Marry is a little strong, but I would definitely go out with Mariska Hargitay from Law and Order SVU

17. Who will cut and paste this first?
who knows?

18. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Apparently, there are a couple people from church with the same birthday.

19. Do you have a crush on someone?
Yes, of course. Life is boring without them.

20. Have you ever vandalized someone's property?
No

21. Have you ever been in a fight?
No

22. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yes. It wasn’t a pretty experience, just ask anyone who came to listen to me.

23. What's the first thing you notice about the same sex?
their smile and their eyes.

24. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
tall Awake tea

25. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
No

26. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
No

27. Say something totally random about you?
I hate to blow dry my hair

28. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
No

20. How old are you?
26

21. Do you wear a watch?
Yes

22. Do you have anything pierced?
My ears

23. Do you have any tattoos?
No

24. Do you like pain?
No

25. Do you like to shop?
Yes. I like to bargain shop and Christmas shop.

26. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
I have no idea. I rarely carry cash.

27. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?
dinner last night

28. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
my sister

29. What is on your desktop background?
Xena and Gabrielle embracing

30. What is on your cellphone background?
Whatever came with the phone--it’s a starry sky.

33. Do you like redheads?
Yes. My best friend is a redhead.

34. Do you know any twins?
I’ve had several twins in class.

35. Do you have any weird relatives?
Yes. I have a grandmother who insults everything that sits still long enough, and an aunt who is always mad at everyone.

36. What was the last movie you watched?
Intentions. It sucked. I don’t recommend it.

37. What was the last book you read?
I am currently reading The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis, Plan B by Anne Lamott, and Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde.

38. Did you or do you go to college?
Yes and yes.

39. What is your favorite pair of pants that you own?
a pair of jeans

40. Do you like to party?
Not really. I’ve outgrown it.

Emily's Oscar Picks

*Denotes my picks

Performance by an actor in a leading role

*Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote"
Terrence Howard in "Hustle & Flow"
Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain"
Joaquin Phoenix in "Walk the Line"
David Strathairn in "Good Night, and Good Luck."

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
George Clooney in "Syriana"
Matt Dillon in "Crash"
Paul Giamatti in "Cinderella Man"
*Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain"
William Hurt in "A History of Violence"

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Judi Dench in "Mrs. Henderson Presents"
*Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica"
Keira Knightley in "Pride & Prejudice"
Charlize Theron in "North Country"
Reese Witherspoon in "Walk the Line"

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Amy Adams in "Junebug"
Catherine Keener in "Capote"
Frances McDormand in "North Country"
Rachel Weisz in "The Constant Gardener"
*Michelle Williams in "Brokeback Mountain"
 
Best animated feature film of the year
*"Howl's Moving Castle"
"Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
"Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit"

Achievement in art direction

"Good Night, and Good Luck."
"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
"King Kong"
*"Memoirs of a Geisha"
"Pride & Prejudice"

Achievement in cinematography

"Batman Begins"
*"Brokeback Mountain"
"Good Night, and Good Luck."
"Memoirs of a Geisha"
"The New World"

Achievement in costume design

"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
*"Memoirs of a Geisha"
"Mrs. Henderson Presents"
"Pride & Prejudice"
"Walk the Line"

Achievement in directing

*"Brokeback Mountain" Ang Lee
"Capote" Bennett Miller
"Crash" Paul Haggis
"Good Night, and Good Luck." George Clooney
"Munich" Steven Spielberg

Best documentary feature

"Darwin's Nightmare"
"Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room"
*"March of the Penguins"
"Murderball"
"Street Fight"

Best documentary short subject

"The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty Dan Krauss of the Bang Bang Club"
*"God Sleeps in Rwanda"
"The Mushroom Club"
"A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age Corinne Marrinan and Eric Simonson of Norman Corwin"

Achievement in film editing

"Cinderella Man"
*"The Constant Gardener"
"Crash"
"Munich"
"Walk the Line"

Best foreign language film of the year

"Don't Tell"
*"Joyeux Noël"
"Paradise Now"
"Sophie Scholl - The Final Days"
"Tsotsi"

Achievement in makeup

*"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"
"Cinderella Man"
"Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

"Brokeback Mountain"
"The Constant Gardener"
"Memoirs of a Geisha"
"Munich"
*"Pride & Prejudice"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
      
"In the Deep"
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp"
*"Travelin' Thru"

Best motion picture of the year

*"Brokeback Mountain"
"Capote"
"Crash"
"Good Night, and Good Luck."
"Munich"

Best animated short film

*"Badgered"
"The Moon and the Son: An Imagined John Canemaker and Peggy Stern Conversation"
"The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello" 
"One Man Band"

Best live action short film

*"Ausreisser (The Runaway)"
"Cashback"
"The Last Farm"
"Our Time Is Up"
"Six Shooter"

Achievement in sound editing

"King Kong"
*"Memoirs of a Geisha"
"War of the Worlds"

Achievement in sound mixing

*"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"
"King Kong"
"Memoirs of a Geisha"
"Walk the Line"
"War of the Worlds"

Achievement in visual effects

*"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"
"King Kong"
"War of the Worlds"

Adapted screenplay

*"Brokeback Mountain"
"Capote"
"The Constant Gardener"
"A History of Violence"
"Munich"

Original screenplay

"Crash"
*"Good Night, and Good Luck."
"Match Point"
"The Squid and the Whale"
"Syriana"

Emily's Social Calendar

I'm feeling like quite the social butterfly lately. I have all kinds of plans this weekend, and I'm meeting all kinds of new people :) Tonight I'm going to a reading that I expect to be quite good. There will be an after party, hopefully with wine, that I will be going to.

Tomorrow and Sunday we're having marathon reading sessions for my publishing class. We have such a good class this year. It might actually be fun because we're all friends, and well, we're all fun ;). Plus the prof has promised food, and that is always a good thing.

My church is doing this great after church education piece during Lent that I'm going to start staying for, too. I'm excited about it.

I have recently met this girl who is extremely cool. It's odd because we have figured out that we actually met once before, we think last spring or fall. We went to a meeting of a local glbt group. I was an officer of it at the time. I left early that night because I had a stack of 101 essays to grade. The next day, I got an email from this girl asking me out. She was really cute, but I was dating someone at the time. I wrote her back and told her so and didn't think any more about it. All of a sudden, we've met again online and are planning to chat this weekend. It's just all sort of ironic. But cool :)

I'm also meeting a new friend for coffee on Monday. We post at the same feminist message boards and are amazed that there are two of us from the boards in this area. If any of my readers are interested in feminist message boards, drop me a line, and I'll give you the sites. They're cool places. I encourage you to try them :)

Grr

Ex-Gay Groups Target Teens and Children

These people are nuts. They're right, though. Homosexuality shows up early on in kids. Why? Because it's genetic, morons! And it's not something that can be changed with "conversion therapy." The only thing that really does is cause deep guilt and self-loathing in the child or teen.

A couple years ago, I had a friend commit suicide because he was gay. His family did not approve of his homosexuality on a religious basis. They made his life really hard. He had such a deep self-loathing because of his homosexuality. He could not change. Nor should he have even tried. When he found out he could not change, he sank into a deep depression and eventually killed himself. It was an unnecessary death. He was a beautiful person who should have had the freedom to be himself.

The suicide rate among gay teens is astronomical. Why? Because these programs do harm. People need to let their children be who they are.

Iris

Rating: ***

This movie is magnificently done. The acting is fantastic. Judi Dench, one of my favorite actors, is excellent. Did she win any awards for the performance? She plays a writer with Alzheimer's. The movie is thoroughly depressing, though. I've never seen a more depressing movie. Well, I probably have, but not for a while.

Earring Saga, Part 3

The beautiful, wonderful, and extremely talented Elizabeth got my earrings out. She is remarkably talented, did I mention that? I am now wearing foxy earrings for my date tonight.

Earring Saga, Part 2

I talked to my sister, tried tweezers and ice, and then I had a coworker try to yank them out. I have concluded that they are indeed not coming out. I'm going back to the earring place tomorrow or Thursday. Arg!

Crisis

My earrings are stuck in my ears, and I cannot get them out. Aaagh!

Emily Is Violet

U.S. and Canada still jailing gays for being gay in Afghanistan

I thought they said we were bringing some sort of "forward thinking" to Afghanistan.

Vice

I have a lot of them, but one in particular is becoming obsessive. I love love love Bad Girls, a British soap opera about a women's prison. I got the first season from Netflix (finished it tonight). The rest of the seasons are not yet out on DVD in the U.S.; however, there are five seasons out in Britain (I think they are now showing the 8th season over there). So I ordered season two. There are so many fantastic characters and one particularly interesting lesbian relationship. And I absolutely love Nikki Wade. She's as foxy as Shane on the L Word.

So season two will be here in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited :)

Importance of Gay-Straight Alliances

Geez, let them have their club already!

My high school didn't have one. Only one school in my home county currently has one, and it wasn't formed until after I graduated from college. Much too late to benefit anyone I knew. Since I have graduated, I have learned that there sure were a lot of us queers in high school, and it sure would have been nice to have had some sort of place where we felt safe being out. I mean, come on, we all knew we were gay in high school. Maybe we would have come out a lot sooner if we'd had support at some level. I know the idea of gays coming out freaks out all the fundies, but seriously, it's a good thing. It takes a lot of guts to be who you are, and it seems to me like that's something we actually ought to be encouraging in kids. Plus tolerance and acceptance from the school would really go a long way to reducing violence against queers. I'm all for that.

Coffee :)

The big date is tomorrow :) I'm terribly excited :)

Harold and Maude

Rating: *****

This is an oddly funny movie; perhaps sickly funny is a better description of it. It's the kind of movie where things happen that are so bizarre you aren't sure if you should be laughing or not. However, I laughed hysterically all the way through it. The only thing I would change is the end. Although it worked, I would have chosen a happier, funkier ending.

Rent

Rating: *****

If you haven't seen it, why are you still sitting here? Go rent it! It's an amazingly beautiful film. The acting, singing, and dancing are all top-notch. It is about a non-traditional family in New York City. There are two on again, off again relationships between couples, one lesbian and one straight. There is also one adorable gay male couple. They're the highlight of the movie, at least they were for me. They were the only ones in the movie who could consistently make their love work. There is also one guy who films all of the other couples in their struggles and also documents the lives of the people in his neighborhood, most of whom are homeless. It is quite a breath-taking movie. Like I said at the beginning, go rent it!

Thesis

I have been working on it since early this morning, and I may actually have a decent draft. I'm pleased about that. I just turned it into my advisor and sent it to one committee member, so I should be getting feedback soon. I am absolutely exhausted now (and actually a little stir crazy, too). I've been in my office all day. I did take a break this afternoon to exercise for an hour and go get something to eat. I was supposed to see a play this evening but didn't make it in time. I don't feel too bad, though, because I still got my thesis in order, and that was far far more important. I want to graduate after all.

Another Ad Lib Book Review

Silas Marner
by George Eliot

If you like Victorian novels, you will like this book. The plot is somewhat predictable; however, Eliot leaves some loose ends in the book which I actually very much appreciated. She doesn't give the reader all of the answers.

Another thing I loved about the book was that she favored the working classes above the aristocracy. The aristocracy are portrayed as a bunch of clueless drunkards, and the working class are given the insight in the book.

The book is about a weaver named Silas Marner who finds a little girl whose mother has died. Her father, a member of the aristocracy, does not claim her. Silas raises the girl as his own daughter. At the end of the book, her father decides she is pretty and that he would like to have her again. She chooses to stay with Silas, though, because she has been raised to value kindness over money.

It's a fantastic book. It's also a fairly quick read. I read most of it on an airplane. Now I am off to find more books by George Eliot (who by the way, mr. ignorant radio station personality, is a WOMAN not a man, thank you very much).

A Different War

This is a short film I saw several months ago. It has stayed with me. It is in Hebrew and is about a young Israeli boy and his relationship with his brother. The brother is very macho and has bought into the whole "Palestinians are bad" mentality. The young boy is very different, though. He has a hard time because his brother and his brother's friends taunt him because he is so different. They demand that he get up on the wall separating Israel and Palestine and shout insults at the Palestinians, the goal being not to get shot. Somehow this was supposed to prove their "machoness." All of the other boys do it, but the young boy is different. He is obviously gay, even though he is still quite young. He doesn't and can't fit in with the other boys. He wants to play the female lead in the school play, which ends in the other boys teasing him and chasing him to the wall, where his brother demands that he go up and taunt the Palestinians. The boy climbs to the top of the wall, and they last scene of the movie is of him doing ballet on the top of the wall. It is absolutely breath-taking. This scene has haunted me and moved me for months.

I just got done teaching Naomi Shihab Nye's 19 Varieties of Gazelle to my poetry class. This is another book that stresses peace and individuality but in a very different way than A Different War did. I had my students read several of the poems out loud in class, and we talked about how Nye stresses peace by showing real people. How can war continue is we can see our enemies as real people? I don't know if my students got the message. I sometimes felt as though they were reading a very different book than I was, but they read it nonetheless. Perhaps someday they will look back and see real people in those who are so different than they are. Perhaps they too will someday be able to dance instead of dodge bullets.

Grrr

South Dakota Makes a Move to Ban Abortion

This bill doesn't even make exceptions for women who are the victims or rape or incest. Wow. How utterly heartless.

Excited :)

I have a date with a woman I'm very interested in :) She's fascinating. She's the one with the part-malamute that I mentioned several posts ago. She is extremely smart and seems to be very nice. She's a lawyer and is very well-read. And she actually already owns the Mary Oliver book. . . What can I say? I'm smitten.

Yay :)

Maybe there will another gay Episcopal bishop

Two of the finalists are openly gay, although the article only highlights one. What a great thing for a great church.

Past Life

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Happy Go Lucky Viking. Where You Lived: West Africa. How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

1) What stickers do you have on your car?: my school sticker and Kerry-Edwards

2) What posters do you have in your room?: Harry Potter and some postcards of Glacier National Park

3) What do you hear right now?: the hum of my computer

4) If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?: Iced tea

5) Does anything hurt on your body right now?: No

6) Ever take candy from someone?: No

7) Whats your job position called?: Teaching Assistant

8) What size ring do you wear?: 6

9) Do you own a camera phone?: No

10) When's your birthday?: Yesterday :)

11) What was your elementary schools mascot?: Don't know if I had one

12) Whats your favorite bottled water?: I prefer tap water. It's cheaper

13) What's the next concert/show you're going to and when?: Don't know

14) What were you doing at 9 pm last night?: waiting for my ride at the airport

15) Whats your favorite Starbucks drink?: tall Awake tea

16) Do you exercise as much as you should?: Nope, but I'm working on it

17) Did you attend your High School prom?: Yes

18) Did you go to someone elses prom?: No

19) Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated?: No

20) Something red within 5 feet of you?: a notebook

21) Your last bag of chips?: salt and vinegar pringles, I imagine, but I don't really remember

22) The weirdest thing you've seen this week?: No idea

23) Ever done the Electric Slide?: Yes

24) How much French do you know?: Ou et le toilette? Ou et le metro? Ou et le fromage?

25) Sparkly things?: No

26) Ever crash a car, been in accidents?: A fender bender here and there

27) Do you look good in yellow?: I think so

28) Do you sing?: Not well

29) Ever sang in front of a crowd?: Yes

30) Do you dance?: I try

32) Least favorite color?: Pink

33) Favorite kind of pizza?: Veggie

34) Ever had Dippin Dots?: No

35) Ever make fun of a homeless person?: No

36) How old were you when you got a cell phone?: 21

37) How old were you when you got your first car?: 21

38) How many driving tickets have you had?: none

40) How many parking tickets?: No idea, too many

41) Do you own your own car?: Yes

42) Do you want to get married?: Yes

43) At what age do you want to get married?: whenever

44) Have you ever been married?: No

45) Have you ever received a restraining order?: No

46) At what age do you want to have kids?: 30-ish

47) How many kids?: 3-4

48) Ketchup or Mustard?: Mustard

49) When is the last time someone deleted you from their space?: Never, I haven't been on long

50) How many times a week are you on Myspace?: Everyday

51) Ever been kicked out of your home?: No

52) Favorite character on Friends?: Phoebe

53) Ever eat Spam?: No

54) Have a crush on a teacher?: Yes

55) Favorite store?: World Market

56) Have a best friend?: Yes

57) Have a boyfriend?: No

58) Have a girlfriend?: No, but I'm looking

59) One place you want to travel to: Pompeii

60) If you could have anything right now what would it be?: I don't know, which must mean I'm pretty content. Although if pushed to answer, I'd probably say a nice girlfriend. Or perhaps a better paying job. Or a better president.

26

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday, dear me.
Happy birthday to me.

I think I might even look 26. I don't quite feel 26 yet, though ;) (Because I won't be for another six minutes or so)

Edited to add that the date should read the 20th because it is the 20th here. My birthday is on the 20th.

Voyage of the Dawn Treader

By C.S. Lewis

It's been a while since I finished this, and I don't have the book in front of me, so this is an off-the-cuff review:

I liked Prince Caspian better. However, the mystery in this one sustained it. It pretty much follows the journey of King Caspian, Lucy, Edmond, and Eustace to find seven men who were friends of Caspian's father. They sail to several odd islands that include everything from dragons to invisible one-legged hopping things that constantly agree with each other. Eventually, they find the men, of course. Then Reepicheep the mouse rows off into Aslan's country, and the kids are sent back to their home in England. All in all, this one is a pleasant read. I recommend it. My sister says that this one is her favorite of the series. So there is another recommendation for it.

My Grandmother's House

She's had another disaster there. Not too long ago (last spring or the spring before), her house flooded, and she had to have a lot of things replaced. Yesterday, a big part of her roof blew off, and she has to get that fixed. She's going to have a whole new house here soon. She's doing fine, though. Annoyed but fine. Prayers and good thoughts would be appreciated.

Eight Below

Rating: ***

This is a generous rating based mostly on the fact that the dogs are pretty. The story is predictable but heartwarming. Eight dogs get left behind in Antartica, and their owner tries his hardest to get them back. The most interesting thing about the movie, to me at least, was the fact that two of the dogs were malamutes. My current crush has a part-malamute. I never thought I would be interested in a dog person, let alone a person who has a big dog. She's cool, though.

My parents also have movie reviews. My mother's rating: * She thought it was too intense. I have to say, I didn't think it was intense at all. My dad's rating: ***** He wants to own it, although my mother tells him he'll have to watch it by himself.

Olympics*

*Dedicated to my sister and Josh

I spent this evening watching the Olympics with my folks. I have to admit, I love to watch the female skiers. My gaydar wails the whole time I watch them. It's highly enjoyable. My favorite sport has always been the luge, though. It looks like fantastic fun. I would love to take my plastic orange sled to the top of one of those slopes and give it a go myself.

When I was a child, I was fascinated by the Olympics to the point of wanting to form some event of my own. My sister, my best friend Josh, and I decided to host an annual Pet Olympics for all of the pets in the neighborhood. We spent months planning the event. We made medals and ribbons and a first place trophy. Josh found a big candle to use as our torch, my sister learned a speech by heart and recited it at the opening ceremony, and Josh cross stitched a Pet Olympics flag.

We started the day with Olympics music, the pledge of allegiance, my sister's speech, and the lighting of the Pet Olympic candle. Throughout the day, we put our pets through their paces, which really included us watching them sit and stare and then declaring them beautiful. My neighbor's dog actually had a little bit of talent. It could catch food in its mouth. My sister's rabbit could beg for dandelion leaves. My cat could play fetch if he would only cooperate. Josh's cat would sit in the gazebo and make his displeasure known to the world (he was a siamese, so everyone in the area could hear him). Josh also had very talented goldfish who were actually caught on tape sucking rocks (I think they earned second place in the talent category for that). We were all very serious about the whole event. We added events each year and had pets sign up months in advance. Josh made a styrofoam set of hurdles for the second year, and we watched the pets take turns stepping over them. All in all, we had very talented pets.

Every time I see the Olympics, I remember those days in my backyard with the candle smoking madly, Barney the cat howling loudly, and the three of us walking around with our scoring notebooks. It was marvelous fun.

V-Day

Happy Belated Valentine's Day, all :) I spent much of yesterday reading (fairly wretched) poetry manuscripts for a contest at a press where I'm currently on the editorial board. Rennick and I went and grabbed dinner at one of our favorite local joints, which was fun. We would have gone to see Psycho in honor of the day, but it started before we could get downtown.

Here are my Valentines for this year:
My wonderful sister, who I miss terribly. (Are you sure you can't come home this weekend?)

My cat, who is immensely cute and cuddly.

Rennick, who is a great buddy.

I have recently discovered this fantastic networking site and have been reconnecting with some people I went to high school and college with. It's pretty cool. I have also been pleasantly surprised about how many of us are queer. I have started a college queer list. A friend of mine already has a high school one, although I have a couple of names to add to it. The minute I came out to him, he forwarded me the list. It's pretty cool :) All I can say is, yes, of course there are queer people in small Christian farming communities, too.

Castle in the Sky

Rating: *****

Another of Hiyao Miyazaki's animated films, this one is another plea for peace and an increased environmental consciousness. It's fabulously done, and I liked it almost as much as I liked Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. I highly recommend it.

Date

No.

Let's just say the creepy factor was a little too high for my personal taste. (She still lives with her folks, for one thing).

That is all.

Prayer Request

A man from my church was killed in a skiing accident yesterday. Please pray for his wife and two daughters in this tragic time.

Dumbledore? I always relate more to Hermione.

You scored as Albus Dumbledore. Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. Albus Dumbledore 85% Remus Lupin 80% Hermione Granger 70% Harry Potter 65% Severus Snape 60% Ron Weasley 55% Ginny Weasley 45% Draco Malfoy 40% Sirius Black 35% Lord Voldemort 15% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

Happy Family

Go see one at Name That Mama. There's a beautiful baby girl and two smitten mamas. The pictures are precious.

Pride and Prejudice

Rating: *****

Will you marry me, Elizabeth Bennett? I LOVE the story of Pride and Prejudice, and obviously Elizabeth Bennett is one of my all-time favorite female characters. Keira Knightley is stunning in the role. Actually, all of the actors in the film did an excellent job. I couldn't have asked for a better film of such a splendid book.

The scenery is breath-taking. The music, which is almost entirely on piano, is also beautiful. It is such a beautiful movie. If you haven't seen it, why are you still sitting here? Go! Now!

As a side note, perhaps of interest, the movie theater I saw it in was completely packed. It's obviously popular around here. And with good reason, I might add :)

Reviews

City of the Beasts
by Isabel Allende

The descriptions in this book are magnificent. The characterization of the children and Alex's grandmother, Kate, is also good. My gripes with the book are these: it's extremely predictable and the author is far too conscious of audience. This is Allende's first novel for young adults, and it is pretty obvious. Young adult authors who do well don't tipically write for "young adults." They simply write a good story. Their agents and publishers are the ones who market it for a specific audience. I think Allende will get better if she chooses to continue to write in the young adult genre. It certainly must be a switch after her other books.

Prince Caspian
by C.S. Lewis

This is my favorite book in the series so far. I finished it a couple weeks ago and haven't taken the time to review it until now. The story is compelling, especially after reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. All of the children from the first story return in this one. It's the last book in which Peter and Susan are able to return to Narnia. It's a very plot-driven book. There is mystery and intrigue. There are also battles over a crown. All in all, it's a very exciting and quick read.

Watermelon Woman
Rating: *****

This movie is definitely worth watching. Basically it is about a black lesbian who makes a documentary about a black lesbian actress from the 1920's and 1930's. The actress is fictitious, but as the writer and star of the movie says, "Sometimes you have to invent your own history." It's a great movie about getting to know oneself, also.

Coffee

I have a coffee date on Monday with an art major :) I'm terribly excited. She seems cool, although I don't know her very well. That's the purpose of the date, of course, to get to know her :) I like this dating around thing. It's kind of fun.

No, I'm a French horn.

You scored as trombone. Trombone. This just means you dont fit anywhere else. trombone 83% Oboe 75% Cello 67% Viola 58% Clarinet 58% Tuba 58% French Horn 58% String Bass 50% Flute 50% Bassoon 42% Percussion 33% Violin 33% Trumpet 8% If you were in an orchestra, what instrument would match your personality? created with QuizFarm.com

She's Here :)

Sanna Elizabeth is here. She weighed six pounds and two ounces and is 19-3/4 inches long. I'm sure she's beautiful. The congrats can be dropped off at Postcards of Grief and Name that Mama :) I can't wait to see pictures of her :) I so want kids someday.

Baby

If you get a chance, go over to Name that Mama and congratulate Emilin and Brooke on the newest addition to their family. There are no pictures yet, but I'm sure the baby is beautiful. Rumor has it that it is actually here now. Yay for new babies :)

Phone Survey

Whenever I read about surveys in the news indicating how the people are thinking, I am always skeptical. Who are they calling? I always think. Well, I'm here to tell you, friends, they just called me! I'm so excited :) I loved being able to tell them that I think the president is an ignorant, narrow-minded jackass. It was fabulous. They should call me every day :)

Yay! Survey!

1. Initials: VE
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: don't know.
3. Last thing you ate: yellow rice with garbanzo beans
4. For or against same sex marriage: For, most definitely. I want to get married someday.
5. Are you Nah: ???????
6. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? No. Do they still have Saturday morning cartoons?
7. Do you believe in God: yes.
8. How many U.S states have you been to: Almost all of them, except for California, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, and Alaska.
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in: 3
10. Ever lived outside of the US: No
11. Name something you like physically about yourself: My eyes
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself: I am compassionate.
13. What is your moms name: Mom
14. What is your dream car: I don't really have one.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Italy, specifically Venice
16. Favorite type of food: Italian
17. What's you favorite holiday? Christmas
18. Do you download music: No
19. What illegal thing have you done: Ran a red light
20. Where would you want to go on a first date: out for coffee
21. Would you date the person who posted this before you?: Um, no, although she's really nice
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally: no
23. Have you ever cried for no reason: Yes. Hello depression.
24. Do you like president Bush: about as much as intestinal flu.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped: No
26. Have you ever white-water rafted: Yes
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Yes. I've also had a 42 year old woman hit on me. I was 23. Yurg.
28. Last person you hugged: my cat
29. Have you met a real redneck: I grew up in a town full of them, and I truly hate that word.
30. How is the weather right now? cold and yucky
31. What song are you listening to right now: Law and Order SVU theme song
33. What was the last movie you watched?: Into the Arms of Strangers, I haven't been watching much lately because of my big fiction story. It's done now, though, so I play to rectify that :)
There is no #34.
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? class
36. What are you afraid of: my thesis defense, although I'm feeling a lot more secure about it at the moment.
37. Have you ever been hit-on by someone of the same sex: Yes, of course :) Have I ever been hit on by someone of the opposite sex? Yes
38. How many pets do you have: 1 fuzzy cat
39. Have you ever loved someone: Yes
40. What do you usually order from Starbucks: tall Awake tea
41. Have you ever fired a gun: No, nor will I ever.
42. Are you missing someone: My sister
43. Say something really random about yourself: I think lower back tattoos are sexy.
44. Do you have an ipod?: No
45. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? No
46. What's your name: VioletEmily
47. Are you comfortable with your height: Yes, I like being short.
48. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? Yes.
52. Favorite flower: sunflowers and lilacs
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn: Butter
54. What books are you reading: City of the Beasts by Isabel Allende, Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis, oh! I just got Mary Oliver's new book in the mail. I'm so excited. So that, too :)
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo: Yes. It was actually a cab. How weird is that?
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes, my grandfather
57. Do you watch MTV: No
58. What's something that really annoys you: people who randomly say to strangers, "Why aren't you smiling?"
59. What are some things you really like doing?: reading, writing, talking about reading and writing, hanging out with friends, going out with the MFA-ers, watching movies, cuddling, kissing, going out for iced tea, going out to dinner
60. Do you like Michael Jackson?: No.
61. Can you dance: No, but I sure try.
62. Favorite basketball team: GWU!
63. Favorite cereal: Cheerios
64. Do you drive?: Yes.
65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out: 4:30 a.m.? Maybe?
66. Last time you went bowling: No idea.
67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room: No. Let's keep it that way.
68. Who was your last phone call? Mom
69. Last time you were at work: Today
70. Whats your favorite state to be in: North Carolina

Quote

"It's always necessary to remember that the fiction writer is much less immediately concerned with grand ideas and bristling emotions than he is with putting list slippers on clerks."

--Flannery O'Connor

Update

I'm doing pretty well at the moment. I haven't written in a few days because I have been pulling my hair out over a story I am trying to write. It's one I've had brewing for a while but haven't taken the time to write it down. Now that I have my first fiction workshop story due in a couple of days, it seemed like the time to do it. It isn't finished yet. I am hoping that my class (a bunch of white straight men) is open-minded because it is a very lesbian story. We shall see, I suppose. I'm actually looking forward to getting feedback because I haven't shared my stories much, and when I have, it has often been negative. This workshop is very positive, though, which is good because we're a bunch of poets who have trouble with sentences that stretch clear across the page ;)

I have been exercising a lot, and I'm loving it. I have discovered that if I walk on the treadmill and ride the exercise bike, I don't have to watch where I am going and therefore can read while I exercise. This is terribly exciting, and I am halfway through Isabel Allende's City of the Beasts, my exercise book of choice at the moment.

I started journaling again! I'm very excited about this, and my counselor has given me a few specific ideas to explore in my journal. I kept a very steady journal for quite a while and then stopped for a lot of reasons. I've missed it, though, and took a life-affirming trip to Barnes and Noble yesterday to get a new one. I think journals, like bibles, are something that a person has to pick for herself.

I have made a big decision (well, a big one for me). I talked to my counselor today about dating. I told her I want to date around and see what's out there. I don't want to be committed to one person, and I don't want anything serious at all. I just want to see what's out there. Plus I might be moving soon anyway. She said she thought that sounded like fun and that I should do it. So I'm talking to, well, several very different women, and I want to start going out on dates.

Literary Speed Dating

I got this idea from the frogblog. It involves listing three books which can be used to get to know people. The idea is to get to know people based on similar reading tastes. I was fascinated by this idea when I saw it earlier today, both because it's a great idea and because I have used it a lot. When I first came out, I had a crush on a woman, and I gave her a copy of Mary Oliver's New and Selected Poems. She didn't read it. I knew it wouldn't work out. In my first long term relationship, I gave her the same book for her birthday. I knew I loved her when she read it and liked it. Well okay, I knew I loved her long before that, but it certainly was nice :) At any rate, books are important to me. I don't think I could date someone who didn't like to read. I love to swap books with people. My sister gave me a couple of wonderful books for Christmas, and I have enjoyed them a lot. Books are one of the best signs of affection, I think.

So anyway, my three books:
1. New and Selected Poems by Mary Oliver
2. Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott
3. Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds

If I had to pick a fourth, it would be Kaddish and Other Poems by Allen Ginsberg.

Into the Arms of Strangers

Stories of the Kindertransport
Rating: *****

This movie won the Academy Award for best documentary in 2000. This doesn't even begin to do it justice. The movie is told mostly from the point of view of the Jewish children who were evacuated from Eastern Europe during 1938-39 and sent to live with strangers in England. Many of their parents died at concentration camps.

I had never heard of the kindertransport, which is saying something because I have read far more than I probably should have about the Holocaust and World War II. I first heard about the Holocaust when I was nine and I inadvertantly borrowed a book from the library that held several accounts of those who survived the concentration camps and those who were hidden in people's homes. I was horrified to say the least, yet I kept reading every book I could get my hands on. I could not believe that people would let such a thing occur, and yet it is still occurring in other places in the world. I think this was the first time my eyes were truly opened to the horrors of the world. The story that has stayed with me from that first book is the story of a young man who hid in an abandoned attic and drank his own urine out of fear of coming down to get a drink of water.

For years, I have had terrible recurring nightmares about the Holocaust. In each, I am separated from my family and forced to watch those I love be slaughtered. I have not told many people about these dreams. For a year or two when I was first coming out, these dreams occurred with more frequency. I confided in my friend Andie that I believed that they were related to my fear of persecution as a lesbian. I still believe that because after I came out to my family, the dreams stopped for a time.

A few years ago, I became fascinated with Corrie ten Boom because she lived through such horrors and came out of them with such love and grace. Her story is one of the most moving I have ever read.

Even with the horrors of the Holocaust, I love the stories of those people, like Corrie ten Boom, who could see the need in their neighbors and take care of them, putting their own lives on the line. Kindertransport is just that sort of story. Approximately 10,000 children were sent out of eastern Europe to live with British families who were kind enough to take them in and make them a part of their own families. Granted, not every story is so loving, but most of them are.

If there are others out there who need some hope when times are bleak, this story offers some.

Piece of a Poem

"Say this. I was born on an island among the dead. I learned language on this island but did not speak on this island. I am writing to you from this island. I am writing to the dancers from this island. The writers do not dance on this island

[. . .]

I have been writing a book, not in my native language, about violins and smoke, lines and dots, free to speak and become the things we speak, pages which sit up, look around and row resolutely toward the setting sun."
--Michael Palmer, from "Sun"

Sick

Sickety Sick Sick Sick. I am sick. I have a bad cold. I am miserable. I have been sick too much this year. I even got a flu shot in November to keep stuff like this from happening. I am tired of being sick.

Earrings

I have been giddy with excitement about my pierced ears. My sister introduced me to a website that gives away very pretty earrings over Thanksgiving. I have ordered a few pairs from them, and they have been arriving this week. It's terribly exciting. I'm ready to take these studs out and put in some pretty earrings.