Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Last winter, I volunteered at a homeless shelter. I know I wrote about it then (at least I'm pretty sure I did--I'm not going to go back and look), but it was a heartbreaking experience. You see, our shelter is only open during the winter months. It was really windy and cold last night, and there was no shelter available for the homeless. Ours does not open until November 1. I got an email yesterday about the opening of the shelter and a request for volunteers, and I signed up to be a regular volunteer this year. I can't walk through the cold each morning without thinking of the people I met last year, many of whom are still sleeping out in that cold. Today, I got another email from the same woman requesting our presence at a memorial service on Friday for one of the shelter's regulars who died last week. The email mentioned that a total of five of the people who stayed at the shelter have died since the shelter closed in March. It's sickening that we do not have a year round shelter in this city that does not require a statement of Christian faith.

Good News from NJ

New Jersey Gets a Bit Better for Same-Sex Couples

Monday, October 23, 2006


Your Power Color Is Red-Orange
At Your Highest:
You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.
At Your Lowest:
You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.
In Love:
You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.
How You're Attractive:
You are very affectionate and inspire trust.
Your Eternal Question:
"Am I Respected?"

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Tishie's Halloween Extravaganza

This year for Halloween, I am dressing as my cat, who is solid black. It so happens that several weeks ago when I was in desperate need of longjohns (you need longjohns when you camp with WW because she insists on camping when it is damn cold) and so I bought solid black ones, not even thinking of anything but warmth. Today, I went to the costume shop in search of a magic wand and a cloak in order to go as Harry Potter, and I came across this fabulous black cat mask and a tail. I was destined to be a black cat. So I am sitting here in my cat costume, waiting for Rennick to arrive so that we can go to Tishie's Halloween party. I'm way too excited.

I'm also excited because Bella will be home tomorrow :)

***Edited to add that this was posted after the party because I couldn't get to my blog before it.

Friday, October 20, 2006

7 Years Survey

How old were you?

Where were you living?
North Carolina

Where did you hang out?
at school

How long was your hair?
Do you remember, Judith? I'm not sure. Longer than it is now, I think. Maybe quite a bit longer.

Did you wear glasses?

Who was your best friend?
Judith, Josh, Lynette

Who was your crush?
Vanessa, I think

What kind of car did you drive?
I didn't have one.

How many tattoos did you have?

How many piercings did you have?:

What was your worst fear?
coming out or rather being found out

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?
no, I've never had any desire to.

Had you been arrested?

Had your heart broken?

*** OCTOBER 2006 ***

How old are you?

Where do you live?

Where do you hang out?
lately, at Bella's but also in my office, at my favorite coffee shop downtown, and at my favorite Italian place

Do you wear glasses?

What is your hairstyle?
shaggy at the moment. I'm going to get it cut this weekend.

Who are your best friends?
Josh, Judith, Rennick

Still talk to any of your old friends?
oh yes, all of them, not as often as I should, mind you, but yes

How many piercings do you have?:
one in each ear

How many tattoos?
none yet

What kind of car do you have?:
2000 Ford Focus. It's a good little car.

Have you been arrested since, if so then times total?

Has your heart been broken?

Do you still smoke?
never have

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Have I ever mentioned that I love Designing Women? I know I have. Several times. But there it is again. I was watching one of my favorite episodes this afternoon, "They Shoot Fat Women, Don't They?", and I heard one of my favorite quotes from the whole series.

"In the end, all that counts is what was true and what was truly felt and how we treated one another." --Julia Sugarbaker (Dixie Carter's character)

I may put it up on my refrigerator. We'll see.

Queer Week

There's a big conference going on here on glbt issues. It's been wonderful. I heard Leslie Feinberg speak last night, and I must say, I was ready to go out and start changing things right afterwords. Now I clearly need to read Stone Butch Blues. The women who introduced Feinberg last night said that it was life-changing for them, and frog of the frogblog has often listed it as one of her favorites. I need to read it.

Bella gave a beautiful presentation this morning on visibility, human rights, and the Pride parade. It was fascinating, and a lot of the people she interviewed came to see her, which I thought was extra neat. She is off in the wild blue yonder now (actually she's probably just landed), on her way to check out a graduate school in a different city. I'll miss her this weekend.

The film festival portion of the conference starts tonight, and I'm way excited. I look forward to the queer film festival all year. It's kind of like Christmas in that way, that and Pride both. This time I actually broke down and bought the whole series of tickets. I normally work at the door during the festival, so perhaps I will show up early and see if they need any help tomorrow and Saturday. They shouldn't tonight because it's not on campus.

I am still haunted by one of the short films they showed last year, called "A Different War," which is about a young boy growing up in Israel right next to the wall between Israel and Palestine. His school is putting on a play of the story of David and one of his wives, and the boy loves dancing the part of the wife rather than any of the male parts. He also spends a lot of time wearing dresses and makeup. His brother is clearly ashamed of him and is constantly trying to get him to "be a man" by standing on top of the wall and yelling insults at the Palestinians, basically daring someone to shoot him. All of the other boys do this during the movie. In the last scenes, the brother catches him dancing the part of David's wife, grabs him, and drags him to the wall. He shoves him up the ladder. The young boy stands there for a moment and then instead of yelling, begins to dance on the wall. It was beautiful. I cried. I hope they show something as moving as that this year, as well.

Oh, and I actually get to sit on the other side of the Village approval committee this weekend because Rennick is bringing a girl to one of the movies and then to the poetry reading. Very exciting :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Just a Note

Because I never said, the Village whole-heartedly approved Bella. They think she's as great as I do: very nice, very smart, and very cute. Yay :)


to my newest reader! Bella! May you not think I'm crazy after reading this ;)

Monday, October 16, 2006


I have always wanted to have kids, but I have never really considered dating anyone who already had them (not out of any bias or anything, I just never met anyone with kids who I was interested in dating). I have been spending more time with Bella and getting to know her son more, and he is the greatest kid. He is so kind and considerate and funny. I wear a pink button on my purse that says "Second Class Citizen" because the marriage amendment has become a hot topic in my state. I wear it because I really want people to recognize that gays aren't a faceless threat but actual people with real lives. Bella's kid saw it last night and commented on it. I told him what it meant, and he told me later after Bella left the room that I shouldn't have to wear it because gays aren't any different than anyone else. We just love different people. "What's the big deal?" he asked. What's the big deal, indeed.

Bella has not been in a relationship with a woman in several years, not in her son's memory in fact, and they have been discussing that she is bisexual. He is very concerned, not about her dating women, but about people being mean to her because of it. He told me in not so many words that people shouldn't judge someone based on who they love and that his mother is very special and shouldn't have people be mean to her without knowing her. He's absolutely right, of course.

I have a feeling the conversations will continue for the next few weeks and perhaps longer, and I think it's very cool that she is willing to talk with him so openly. I also think it's cool that she encourages him to ask questions of both of us, and I'm glad he feels comfortable doing so. He really is a good kid, and he has an amazing mother.

Saturday, October 14, 2006


About a week and a half ago, I met a truly incredible woman. She's one of the smartest people I have ever met, and she's incredibly beautiful. We can sit and talk for hours, and it's wonderful. We have stayed up several times this week drinking tea and talking until the wee hours of the morning. She is very sweet and thoughtful and kind. She has a 12-year-old son (she's 31 for those playing along at home), who I have only met once, but who seems to be a really good kid. He was very very polite and sweet when I met him. He also called her one night when we were out and informed her that he needed a new book, which I found incredibly charming. He reads constantly, just like her.

Tonight, Bella (for those playing along at home, she is called Bella because that is her cat's name and not just because she is beautiful, which she is) met part of my Village. I'm still waiting for the report on her, but I think it went quite well. We spent the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch at my apartment, while I showed her all my pictures and she flirted with my cat, who happens to think she is wonderful, too. At any rate, she likes me, and I like her, and it's all good.

There is one huge wrench, however. Her abusive ex-boyfriend (she's truly bi, not curious) is still in the picture, and until he is completely out of the picture, we really can't be together. It just isn't safe for either of us or her son. I really believe she's going to be able to shake him soon, but it's incredibly sad in the meantime. I hate that there is someone in her life that causes her so much fear and pain. I hope she is able to get him completely out of the picture very soon. She's too wonderful to have to put up with that shit.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Rainbow Survey

I am not sure what any of these questions have to do with the colors, but use your imagination. It seemed like another good way to celebrate NCOD.


1. Are you currently mad at someone?: no
2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?: I hate being around people who can't control their anger. People who get angry easily aren't for me. I can't say I have any friends with bad tempers, although there is someone I'm phasing out of my life who does (and that's why I'm phasing her out of my life).
3. have you ever thrown anything at anyone?: no
4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?: no
5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream?: sulk and then talk about it.


1. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party?: yes, my friends from college rock. We threw each other surprise parties all the time, so I can officially say, I had one all four years for my birthday. And the funny part is, I was actually surprised each time.
2. Are you easily excited?: yep
3. What event is coming up that your most excited about? Tishie's Halloween party!!!!
4. Which of your friends gets you the most exciteable? the ladies in the MFA program. We have such a good time together.
5. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought?: no more credit card debt! And I can finally get another cat.
6. If you could have anything right now what would it be?: a maid


1. Name?: VioletEmily
2. Where were you born?: Small Town, Midwest
3. What's your main goal in life?: to be happy
4. Do you want to have children?: yes, several of them
5. How do you want to die? old age


1. Sex before marriage?: of course
2. Gay Marriage?: yes
3. Lowering the drinking age?: yes
4. Capital Punishment?: no
5. Abortion?: yes
6. Recycling?: yes


1. What was your latest dream?: going to a reading with this girl I'm interested in. Which I then did a few hours later. It was way fun, although I think I lost the parking garage ticket four times. She probably thought I was crazy. But she's hanging out with me again :)

2. Which of your friends do you dream about the most? I don't, actually. I'm usually not me in my dreams, and I don't usually know any of the people in my dreams either.

4. Do you usually remember your dreams?: usually

5. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had? that I was an airplane that looked a lot like Bill Murray.


1. Do you have a bf/gf? : no
2. Do you have a crush?: always
3. Who is the best hugger that you know?: my sister
4. Do you believe in love at first sight?: sure, why not.
5. Have you ever been in love?: yes

Happy National Coming Out Day!

I used to celebrate this day by coming out to someone I wasn't out to. Today, I can't think of anyone new. In the past nine or ten months, thanks to myspace, I have come out to just about my entire hometown and to nearly everyone I went to college with who I don't really keep in touch with with any regularity. The reactions mostly were "It's about time" and "Hey, me too." It's been fun to get back in touch with people, more than anything. Also, I have found that being gay is something I think less about than I did when I was first coming out. I usually work it into the conversation within the first five minutes of meeting someone new, just out of habit more than anything else. It's not even conscious most of the time. Does this mean the babydyke phase is now behind me? Today, I spent the day telling students who are coming out "Happy Coming Out Day" (I still and hopefully will always have students come out to me all the time). It seemed the appropriate way to celebrate.

The Debates

They went really well. I just realized that I hadn't given that update. Yep, they were great.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


My English 102 students are working on their argument papers right now. I have decided to branch out a bit in my teaching, and I have picked five topics I think they should know more about, and I'm making them debate them. They're all in the back of the classroom looking up information about the topic of their choice right now. It's really fascinating. I think they may actually be enjoying themselves. I'll let you know how the debates go on Friday.

Next week, I'm bringing in some fun videos for them to watch. Some of them are Designing Women episodes. Those are so carefully structured into arguments for something. I really miss that show. It was always so smart and thought provoking. I think I'm going to bring in the AIDS episode and perhaps the hunger episode. I am looking forward to it.

Monday, October 02, 2006


How tall are you?

Is your tongue pierced?

Where is your ideal house located?
Well, I've always thought about building a house across from my aunt's cornfield. I don't know if I ever will or not, though.

Last person you talked to?
Tishie. We're having pasta tomorrow.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photobooth?
I don't think so, but I'm really not sure.

When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?'
Rennick's birthday, I think.

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

Where is your current pain at?
my neck. seriously. I don't know why, but it's been hurting for a week.

Who do you want to marry?
Haven't met her yet.

Do you like mustard?
yes, but only the bright yellow stuff. WW really likes the spicy stuff, and it's really nasty.

How many rings 'til you answer the phone?
I often don't. I wait for the voice mail to pick up. With my cell, it just depends how long it takes me to find it.

Do you look like your mom or dad?
my mom

Who was the last person who told you they hated you?
no one that I can remember

How long does it take you in the shower?
10 minutes or so

Can you do the splits?

What movie do you want to see right now?

Did you think The Grudge was scary?
didn't see it. don't plan to.

Do you own a camera phone?

Would you ever dye your hair red?
sure, why not.

What song is overplayed?
that one by Death Cab for Cutie...

How many rings are on your fingers right now?

What are you drinking?
hot tea, and it actually has a teabag in it this time. I bought tea at school this morning and didn't realize that it was teabagless until I'd drunk half of it. I just figured I still hadn't regained my sense of taste.

Was your mom a cheerleader?
no, my aunt was, though.

Who are your favorite people to talk to?
I have lots of favorites. my sister, Judith, Josh, Jodi, WW, Rennick, Judy, Lori, and my new friend Jennifer. Those names don't even begin to cover it, actually. I have a lot of people I love to talk to.

What's the last letter of your middle name?

Are you pregnant?
No. someday maybe, though, at least that's the plan.

Who did you vote for on American Idol?
didn't watch it.

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
I prefer 8 hours, but it all depends on the night. It was much less last night because I couldn't sleep because of my neck hurting.

Do you drink Egg Nog?

What do you buy at the movies?
at the indie theater in town, I get popcorn and either iced tea or beer. at the old fashioned theater, I get chocolate covered almonds. at any other theater, nothing usually.

Do you know how to play poker?
kind of

Do you wear your seatbelt?

What do you sleep in?
depends. lately pajama pants and a t-shirt

How Many meals do you eat a day?
two usually, sometimes three

Do you have A.D.D.?

Ever been to Vegas?
yes, a long time ago.

Paris or nicole?

Do you make good pancakes?
eh, they're alright.

Did you eat a cookie today?

Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
I don't download.

Do you hate chocolate?
no, it's okay.

5 things you've done today
1. Taught classes
2. Drank hot water without a teabag
3. planned to go camping this weekend with WW
4. took a big long nap
5. watched Mansfield Park with Embeth Davidtz (it's awesome! I'm a big Embeth fan.)


Amish School Shooting

I've been avoiding reading this story all day, but I finally did this evening. These families could sure use your prayers.

Designing Women

Have I ever mentioned how much I love this show? I really want all of the seasons to come out on DVD! This week, there is a Designing Women marathon every night on Nick at Nite. I must say, it's incredibly fun. I think I'm going to be a couch potato this week.