Sunday, May 27, 2007

What would you do?

I heard from my best friend from high school today. I haven't heard from her in years. She emailed me on myspace, where it says quite clearly that I am a lesbian. She sent me her blog address which had links to all of these anti-gay fundamentalist organizations. Part of me fears that if I get back in touch with her, she will bombard me with ex-gay shit (because she did in high school). Part of me also really cares about her and wants to know how she is doing. So what would you do? Would you get back in touch with her?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

You Are Sunset

Even though you still may be young, you already feel like you've accomplished a lot in life.
And you feel free to pave your own path now, and you're not even sure where it will take you.
Maybe you'll pursue higher education in a subject you enjoy - or travel the world for a few years.
Either way, you approach life with a relaxed, open attitude. And that will take you far!


In the past two days, I have read three books written by lesbian poets: the women who hate me by Dorothy Allison, The Marvelous Arithmetics of Distance by Audre Lorde, and Coal by Audre Lorde. Lorde and Allison talk about sexuality and class in very different ways. Allison is much more harsh and crass than Lorde is. While Lorde talks about similar issues, she does so in a much more gentle and poetic way. Where Allison talks about dildos, "cuntsucking," and fucking, Lorde alludes only to the scent of her lover left on her fingers. Where Allison gives very brutal images of poverty and violence, Lorde is much more gentle with similar ideas. Both also express discomfort in conforming to the traditional female role of housewife, Lorde with sarcasm and Allison with examples of women trapped in a role. At any rate, I recommend all three books.

I have been fascinated by how lesbian poets express their sexuality since my first semester of graduate school when one of my major professors gave me a stack of books by lesbian poets and told me I needed to learn to express my sexuality in my writing without fear. There was quite a variety in that stack of books in how sexuality was expressed. Some were very direct and allowed their sexuality to play a large role in their work. Some kept their sexuality as a much smaller part of their work and concentrated on other issues. It was fascinating. While I was intimidated at first by the idea of allowing my sexuality to influence my work, I have become much more comfortable with it. I am always negotiating how much I want it to influence my work, however. I think it just depends on what I'm writing. I have found that a lot of my personal essays and fiction revolves around my sexuality in that some of the most profound struggles in my life have revolved around my sexuality. How could I not write about that? My poetry, however, while influenced by my sexuality certainly, is less directly tied to that aspect of myself. I find that fascinating, and I have no idea why that is the case.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


Gay Foe Falwell Dead 
by Newscenter Staff 

(Lynchburg, Virginia) The Rev. Jerry Falwell died Tuesday. He was 73.


Falwell, the founder of the Moral Majority and Liberty University, had a long history of opposing gay rights.

In 1976 he, along with Anita Bryant, led the charge against gay adoption in Florida leading to the most repressive anti-gay adoption law in the US.  

Following the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington in 2001 Falwell declared that gays and pro choice advocates were to blame.

Speaking on the 700 Club religious program Falwell said, "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen'."

In 2003 Falwell announced that he was putting aside everything to devote his time to passage of a federal constitutional ban on gay marriage.

"I am dedicating my talents, time and energies over the next few years to the passage of an amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which will protect the traditional family from its enemies who wish to legalize same-sex marriage and other diverse "family" forms," Falwell said.

In the 2004 election campaign he worked with Republicans to use same-sex marriage as a wedge issue. 

A week after the November election he announced he was organizing battle plans for what he called an "evangelical revolution." Falwell said that the election showed that Americans want to return to "traditional values". 

He promised to roll back gay rights laws in communities across the country.

“Reverend Falwell’s death today causes my thoughts to turn toward the members of our community who have at great personal sacrifice contended with the Reverend’s work and teachings," said Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solmonese.

"As I remember Reverend Falwell’s life, I also remember all of the families of people who have died of AIDS,” said Solmonese.

"Reverend Falwell’s legacy is not about the tenants of Jesus’ ministry such as healing the sick and standing with the disenfranchised but about shunning and ridiculing those who have suffered and died of AIDS and their families.  Many faith leaders today are moving away from his divisive approach and toward the compassion and inclusiveness that Jesus modeled every day of his ministry.”

Monday, May 14, 2007


It has been just barely over a year since I graduated with my MFA in poetry. Since then, I have not read much poetry other than what I had to read to keep up with my teaching. I also have not written much. I think I was really burnt out. The last week or so, I have started craving poetry again. I spent a good while this evening reading poetry. I bought several poetry books at a used bookstore even. I have a stack of poetry books that I want to read this summer. I haven't been this excited about poetry in a while, and it's wonderful.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

I ask for very little in this life. Being treated like I matter by people who matter to me is very little to ask.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


"We teach people how to treat us."
--my counselor

Lately, I have been working on setting boundaries. This is a really hard thing for me to do. When things bother me, I very rarely am able to say that things are not okay. My counselor says I kind of play the role of a doormat a lot of times because I just have trouble speaking up when things are bothering me. I just assume, for whatever reason, that I deserve whatever is bothering me and that I don't deserve better. My goal has now become to speak up when things aren't okay. It's hard, it pushes me way out of my comfort zone, and sometimes it pisses people off. It's also very revealing sometimes, and it has made me think very hard out of what I want out of all of my relationships (friends, family, partners, whatever). This is huge and important for me. I don't think I've ever listened so closely to what it is that I am feeling. I figure this learning is a good thing.

Friday, May 04, 2007


1. Who were you with last night?
just me

2. What woke you up this morning?
the sun

3. Where are you?
my parents' house

4. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
I hope so. I'm going to see my sister's graduation.

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

6. When was the last time you cried?
I don't know.

-The PAST-

7. Ever thrown up in public?

8. Passed out because of alcohol?

9. Who's on your mind RIGHT NOW?

10. Would you take a bullet for anyone?

11. Where would you like to live?
I really don't know. Not my hometown. I'm open to just about anywhere else.

12. What kind of home would you like?
a peaceful, happy place. I'd also like a porch and a yard.

14. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
teaching college with a book published. hopefully married, contemplating children.


16. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends?

17. Who was the last person that left you a comment?
the fabulous Bella


20. When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?
Actually, I can't remember, but I run into things quite frequently. Which is probably why I can't remember.

21. Do you listen to music everyday?

23. What was the last thing you ate?
popcorn at Judy's.

24. Are you a fast typist?

25. About how many people have you liked?
that's very broad. I have liked lots of people, you know, friends, family, cats...

26. What are you doing this weekend?
going to my sister's graduation.

27. What’s your favorite type of SODA?
I don't drink soda

28. Whats your LEAST favorite SODA?
Mountain Dew.

29. Have you ever won an award?

30. What is your favorite sound?

31. Are you listening to music right now?
not at the moment, actually, but I was just a bit ago.

33. What’s a quote that you love?
"Some days I walk in flowers. Some days I walk on stone. Today I walk in hours. Someday I shall be home." from a k.d. lang song but she didn't write it.

34. How long 'til your birthday?
Several months. November 27th.

35. When were you the saddest in your whole life?
Thanksgiving week the year my ex and I broke up. It was hell.

36. What time is it?

37. What time do you want it to be?
uh, now is fine.

38. What makes you mad?

39. Have you ever had a song written about you?

41. What song(s) make(s) you happy?
"Closer to Fine" by Emily Saliers, "Teen Lament" by Michelle Malone, "World Falls" by Amy Ray

42. What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
nothing in particular. Sometimes PBS.

43. Do you have a job?

44. Do you shower before bed or the next morning (Or both)?
before bed often, but sometimes both.

45. If you were a crayon what color would you be?

46. What makes you happy?
sunshine, being in nature, watching my cat frisk around, going to the library, hanging out with Bella

47. What’s the next CD you're gonna get?
I have a list. Amy Ray just came out with a new one, though, so maybe that one. The last one that caught my eye was The Best of Kansas, though.

48. Name one of your favorite songs.
"World Falls" by Amy Ray

49. Do you have a crush on anyone right now?
yes. she's known it for a while. I'm waiting for her.

50. Are you taller than your sibling(s)?
yes. I'm not taller than many people, but I am taller than my sister.