This morning, I went to a meeting at my church about some problems we have been having as a congregation. Part of the morning included an opportunity to walk a labyrinth, which is a path (ours is on fabric) on which the walker spends time meditating and praying. It's sort of like a walking meditation, like they do at some sanghas.
I went this morning with the intent of avoiding the labyrinth. The only time I had ever walked one was with my ex a few days after we got engaged last year. I have found myself rebelling a few times against the faith that I felt her trying to mold me into. I felt drawn to the labyrinth this morning, though, and so I let myself walk it.
I had a conversation this morning with a wonderful deacon at my church named Darlene. She is an older woman who has been with her partner for 25 years. They are perfect together and are obviously happy. They are the only stable relationship that one of their granddaughters has ever known. Darlene is one of the most caring people I have ever met. This morning, she asked me if I would attend all of the Holy Week stuff at church, and I said yes. She told me she knew how different this year would be than last and that I was brave to reclaim it for myself among all kinds of friends and loved ones. I appreciated that.
With that in mind, I walked the labyrinth. I thought about how much has changed in the last few months and how much I have been able to let go of in terms of hurt. There were so many beautiful things about my ex. She has so much to offer the world, and I hope someday she's able to be free enough from her own pain to really give it and accept love from wherever it comes.
I thought about this new woman I've been talking to and how much I like her. I've never had anyone listen to me like that, like she's really hearing me and hanging on every word I'm saying. It's amazing. I realized that I'm finally ready to move on to whatever comes next, even though I don't know what that will be. I think that's a good way to enter Holy Week.