Wednesday, May 03, 2006

On Anxiety

In the last year, I've gotten my anxiety under some semblance of control for the first time. Medication is a good thing. I recommend it. It's one of the best decisions I ever made.

Last night, I talked to my mother when she was in the middle of an anxiety attack. I don't think she would call it that since she does not admit to having any mental problems, but it was what it was. Having been there myself, I recognized it.

My sister and I have been talking for a while now about how we would like to see our mother start on anxiety medication. We just think she'd feel loads better. We both have. How do you tell someone that she ought to try medication?

Last summer, I brought my then fiance home to meet my family for the first time. One night, my mother had an anxiety attack that caused her to be in no condition to go to church with us. I don't think my ex understood what had happened at all, and I think she thought my mother was being weird because of her. I feel bad about that now. It wasn't something I quite knew how to explain to her. I think I said something along the lines of, "Don't worry. My mother just needs to be medicated." A very true statement, but also a vague one.

The truth is, I have no idea how to deal with it in her. I can hardly deal with it in myself, although I'm finally doing oh so much better. I also am reluctant to explain her eccentricities to others because I don't think it is my place to do that. Everyone has to deal with their shit in their own way. This is something I learned in my last relationship.

I tend to cope with things by internalizing them and analyzing them, rather than talking about them. I also cope by writing. When neither of those work, I talk to my counselor. It used to irritate my ex that I don't really talk a whole lot about the negative stuff going on around me. It isn't that I don't see it. I just don't find vocalizing it will do much good until I have processed it and dealt with it for myself. Perhaps this is an odd way to cope. I really don't know. I have found that it works for me most of the time.

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